she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
