I can text with my tongue
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
