I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
