I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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