Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It was confusing and full of hummus
is wine microwaveable?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
