She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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