Barsexuality is the new black.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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