I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
