so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
