Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
