you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
