My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
