Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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