John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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