i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
