i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
