i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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