Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
