so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize