It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
