dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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