it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
