i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
