My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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