We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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