it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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