Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
