Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
