I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
