People in love make me want to vomit
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
