So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
