Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
