I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
