Porn is love you can see.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize