remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
