i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
