So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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