sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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