so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
