Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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