chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
