So drunk its hurt
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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