I am puke
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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