I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize