I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
COCAINE IS GR8
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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