that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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