He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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