We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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