I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I AM VODKA MAN
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
