Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize