...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize