I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
