ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
