oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
