I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
