when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
