my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
