cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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