did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize