I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
