I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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