they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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