i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
