dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
