you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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