You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
