Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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