So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
