I'm laying in your front yard are you home
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
