we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
