Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
