I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
